How lazy am I?

My lack of ambition has often plagued me.  Shouldn't I want more? Is it the Midwestern upbringing?  I was taught to work hard if I wanted to succeed, that anyone can go halfway.  I was taught that when you vacuum a carpet, it has to take a certain amount of time and effort. Otherwise, you didn't do it right. I was taught that in order to get good tips, you had to hustle and stay on your toes.   I've been working, in one form or another, since I was 12 years old. I started by babysitting, because it was the only work I could get.   But in North Dakota, 14 is the working age.  So I got a job waiting tables, then at the local newspaper and then at a retail department store. I have had jobs at McDonald's and in telemarketing.  I have been on call as a manager for a group home and in sales support at a computer company.  I have held two jobs at the same time, more than once in my life, just to make ends meet.  I can remember working 8-5 after college and then standing on my feet for another 4 hours at a movie rental store.  From age 12 until age 48, I worked. That means my working life spanned roughly 36 years. 

And now, I don't know that I'll ever work again.   I am constantly surprised and a little unsettled that I'm okay with that.  Am I lazy? I certainly don't shy away from cleaning the bathroom, and if I see a dirty dish, I do it.  Wouldn't a lazy person let the dishes pile up? 

I never had lofty goals of being the best in my chosen profession.  In fact, it's specifically the reason that I chose not to pursue theater full time after college.  I had landed a sweet little gig directing children's theater productions.  It was a sought after position, and I know how lucky I was to get it. It was 12 hour days for very little pay, but it was prestigious. It was complete and utter hell.  The kids were great. Their parents, though, were another story.  In order to succeed in that world, I would have had to sacrifice much, including my own dignity and sense of worth. So, I stepped away from that career path and pursued another.  My ambition didn't go that far.

Now that I have had a pretty successful run in both radio and dog training, I find myself wondering if I should be doing something else with my time.  Retirement is notoriously rough on people with no purpose.   (Of course, the kids are a built-in purpose, so maybe judgement day is 6 years in my future.)

Then again, maybe I can agree with myself not to term it "laziness".  Maybe I can call it adaptability and contentment.  I've entered a phase where I'm happy with whatever I am doing, whenever I'm doing it.  I am able to sink into the new normal and enjoy it.   Every day, I consider the rat race that was my life before retirement and note my gratitude.  I miss absolutely nothing about Minnesota in the winter, driving from one obligation to the next on frozen, treacherous roads.  I don't miss the cold. I don't miss seeing my kids only on the weekends.   I don't even miss working (and I thought I would).  I miss the people, my friends and clients. But I don't miss the struggle.

I know how lucky I am, and I deeply appreciate everything that has led to my being able to do what we are doing now.  There are still sacrifices; of course there are.  But the payoffs far outweigh them.

Point Lobos, California

I hope that I can instill in my children this sense of gratitude.  For now, I will make that my ambition.