1) Restricted movement. The truck cab is arguably significantly smaller than a prison cell. There's no room to get up and move around or even stand up, and as the day wears on I find more and more creative ways to contort my stiff muscles to get comfortable. Actually, I think prison inmates have more freedom than people on a long road trip. Criss cross applesauce, feet on the dashboard and seated stretching exercises are regulars. And when all of that fails, Advil to the rescue. I mean, let's face it. I'm no spring chicken.
2) Everything is on a schedule. You're hungry before lunch time? You need to pee? Well, you're just going to have to hold it, inmate. It's not time to stop yet, and anyway the next exit with any services is at least 35 miles away. This is especially true in the desert Southwest and Midwest. There are more rest stops in the Northeast, but you do run the risk of snagging your RV on a ridiculously low bridge. Side note: Shouldn't those just be raised at this point? Between trucks and the growing RV population, I think it's time. I'm looking at you, New Hampshire.
3) There are other inmates, and they can be horribly obnoxious. Because we are lucky enough to have internet in the truck, the kids play Minecraft with their friends online. They are loud, loud people. There has been actual screaming in excitement. Does anyone know why they insist on narrating every single one of their actions? And where did my daughter learn to shriek like that? Thank goodness for headphones.
4) That brings me to sleeping. Forget it. I assume that it's very difficult, at least at first, to sleep in prison. There are a bunch of unfamiliar noises and obvious stressors. Same with a road trip, but add to that inconsistent jarring and bumping around. This is always worse on toll roads. Aren't smooth and well maintained roads supposed to be what our tolls are providing? It's like airplane turbulence bad enough that the captain has to make an announcement.
5) The food is inconsistent and pretty unhealthy. As someone who's spent a lot of time and energy trying to get fit, I know what I can eat to stay healthy and have energy. I know that chocolate is not really good for me. I know that too many calories consumed will produce weight gain. And yet, on a driving day, I eat whatever is available. It's getting better, America. Even the fast food chains are starting to offer healthier options. But by hour 4 or 5, that doesn't even matter. My stress level is so far off the charts that I will devour a King Size bag of Peanut M&Ms in under 8 minutes. Sue me.
6) There's a warden and he's calling the shots. Ultimately, the driver is going to decide when and where we stop to eat or use the bathroom, buy gas or park. There is no democracy. You can put in requests, and the warden is a really nice guy and tries to listen. But in the end, he's the key to your freedom or imprisonment.
7) There's a sentence of a pre-determined length. For me, it's one more trip, one more long drive. It's about 7 or so more hours, more if we have another bridge incident (don't ask). And then, my debt is paid and I can return to normal society. There will still be road trips in my future, but hopefully they won't include towing a 37 foot RV behind me. Freedom! Freedom to park in the tiny spot, to go under any bridge without even thinking about it and to go home at the end of it? Wow! These things we take for granted are now new and amazing to me.
So, there you have it! As grateful as I am to have been able to do this for the last three years, I'm anxious to use my get out of jail free card.
If I even have to say it, all of this is very tongue in cheek. I am so lucky, and I know it. I'm incredibly grateful for everything we have been able to see and do. I really love my warden and my fellow inmates. And this whole experience has changed me, deeply and forever.
