The tipping point

I have reached a strange phase in this process.  On the one hand, I am in limbo. I have all the time in the world, and time is passing too slowly.  I want to just go already!  And then, on the other hand, there is no way we have enough time to do everything we need to before leaving.  The stuff we have to sell alone is going to take months!  You truly do not realize how much stuff you have until you put your hands on every single thing you own in a systematic way.  I mean, seriously, why do I have so many Christmas ornaments?  Where did they all come from?  And how do I get rid of them?  Do we keep the Christmas stockings or throw them in the "don't need it on a boat" pile?  I've been reading decluttering articles and doing searches on eBay so that I know how much to expect for various items.  That's another completely disheartening process. That adorable pair of brand name shoes that retailed for 80 bucks that you've worn once?  Yeah, those are worth four American dollars now. 

Then there's the issue of the husband still working a full-time job. I am not at all comfortable going through our stuff by myself. He's a lot more conservative.  I'd have simply thrown that tablecloth away, but he's convinced we can get a few bucks for it.  So, really, I am very limited in what I can do until he can help me. 

Meanwhile, my dog training business is all but gone (a very strange feeling).  When I used to have breaks between classes, I knew another one was coming up.   Now, I have exactly one more class to (co) teach, and then I'm completely and "forever" done with it.  It's a daunting concept, but so much of this is.  Not having my own income, paltry as it was, is a hard pill to swallow.  I've become a complete miser.  How big a tip should I leave?  Let's eat at home instead of going out.  Oh, look! That soda is on sale! And I have a coupon for that!   I'm ready to sell my car, just to ease the guilt of not working. 

On another front, I had a conversation about homeschooling today with a professional in the education field and now feel completely inadequate in meeting my childrens' educational needs.   I waffle on this almost daily.  One moment, I'm fully prepared. How hard can it be, after all? I will only have two students, not 24! Teachers do this every day!  But in the very next moment, I am panicking because I do not remember one single thing about Trigonometry or diagramming a sentence. 

So here's what I think.  There is a tipping point at which the momentum shifts. At that point, everything we do will be geared toward sailing away.  Until that happens, I will simply feel frozen.  So much time. Not enough time.  I look forward to falling off of the edge.