Our First Christmas Away

I think I'm supposed to be depressed today.  After all, I'm away from my friends and extended family for the first time over Christmas, and we don't have a tree or any other decorations up for the season.  But I can't quite find it in me to be bummed.  We are in San Diego after a grueling 7 hour day on the road yesterday. It's just under 60 degrees here today, and this is the coldest it's going to be for our month-long stay in this area. Back in Minnesota, they've had a few record cold days and quite a bit of snow.  I keep thinking about how grateful I am that I am not driving around in that.  Between taking the kids to school, their activities, and driving to my own classes and private appointments, I was in the car almost as much as I was at home. Today, we're all hanging out together, talking about our plans as we watch the Green Bay Packers play the Minnesota Vikings.   If we were up north, we'd be on the road to see one of our families, the car full of presents, food, baggage, sour tempers and harried parents.

Instead, we are headed to the Holiday Bowl on Tuesday to see our kiddo march in the U of M band, and we made sugar cookies today. 

So we didn't have a big, holiday feast. And there are no presents under a beautifully lighted tree.   There was no running around, buying stuff we probably would never use. I didn't wrap presents only to have the floor littered with packaging as my kids tore through one present after another. I didn't spend much time in the kitchen at all, actually.  Even if I had, I'd still have been in the same room as the rest of the family.

...I am so much more relaxed! Don't get me wrong. I think all things have a place.  We have had many of those busy, packed holidays. They are great.  What we're doing now, though, is right for us at this point in our lives.  I'm happy to say that the kids are just as excited about having stockings stuffed tonight as they ever were about 10 presents under the tree.  They had just as much fun decorating and eating cookies as they did when they were little and for Santa (this year, they're just for us). 

I am feeling just as grateful this year as any other I've ever experience.  After all, this is our campground for the month:

Merry Christmas indeed! 

Ratchet Up Stress Level to HIGH

We finally made it to Texas! I was here all of one day before I heard "well, bless y'all's hearts".   I had to smile.  We're in Amarillo, and it is freezing!  I could have stayed in Minnesota for this.  There's actually snow in tomorrow's forecast.  Snow!  Yeah, that's not so fun in an RV. The walls, they be thin. Fortunately, we are all set quilt-wise, thanks to Grandma Joy and Grandma Clara. 

We're here on business, really. We need to renew my driver's license, which turns out to be the easiest thing we have to do this week. And it's not easy. Everything else is really complicated.  We need to register both new vehicles. Bought the trailer and truck in Utah.  Sent the registrations to Minnesota.  Need to register them in Texas.  We are not people who like things to be easy.  We live on the edge. 

We also need to get some other basic needs attended to.  Things like teeth cleanings and prescriptions take on a whole new level of difficulty on the road. 

As if this weren't all stressful enough, let's add in, just for fun, the fact that we don't know where we're going after this. The madness that is College Bowl games has taken over our plans, and I feel like it might break me.  Reese, our Marching Band kid, is looking at the possibility of joining the Gophers in either San Diego or Nashville for a football game...sometime in December...

You can see my issue. San Diego is West.  Nashville, as it turns out is East. 

We Type A's like plans. An awful lot.  We like order. We like for things to be in their places.

I have developed an eye twitch. 

Notice that there are no pictures or anything fun this time.  That's how stressed out I feel.  But to balance things out, here is a picture of Ethan and Erin playing pool, badly. 

I'm not even sure what he's doing there.  I mean, I'm no expert, but shouldn't the cue actually be on the table?  Even Erin, who is no shark herself, looks perplexed by what turned out to be Ethan's signature move.   I have to say, though, we loved this place.  It's so odd, but it really works.  It's the Route 66 brand spanking new RV Resort. Indoor pool and a delightful casino are included. 

 I know what you're thinking.  "I've never been in a delightful casino, Christi. They're all dirty and smell like stale people and desperation."  But this one really is different.  It's open and clean.  Maybe it'll be like every other casino in a couple of years, but right now it's really lovely.  If it weren't so cold there, I would live in Albuquerque.

Oh, before I forget to mention it, Henry and I have also started dieting together.  Because, you know, I needed some stress pimples.  We've cut out pretty much everything that makes eating fun.  In a nutshell, which is one of the few things I can still eat, we've cut all animal products out of our diet.  I caved the other day and had 12 of Erin's M&Ms and then faithfully wrote them down in my MyFitnessPal app.  They were amazing.  We'll see how long we can hold out.  Right now, the push is to just get back into shape. Why not? We have nothing else to do, right?  hahahahaha

When do we slow down?

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, again. I find myself wondering when the relaxed, retirement part of this trip starts?  We headed out of Utah and back to Nevada to have our "date" with Penn of Penn & Teller fame.  We helped to fund a movie he made, so we met he and his wife, Emily, and then went to the show.  It was a lot of fun, and my mom was there to help us enjoy it.  She had kindly flown to Vegas to babysit.  Since she left in a blizzard, it has come home to me that we should now be experiencing full on winter.  This is perhaps one of the biggest benefits of this lifestyle. I am no longer driving in wind, ice and snow.  Instead of the blizzard, we had this:

After Vegas, we spent a couple of idyllic days in Lake Havasu, Arizona and then brought Grandma to the Phoenix airport.  It was a bit hectic, more activity and driving than we would normally do. But of course, it was well worth it to have such a beloved guest. 

Now that we're in Phoenix and our "obligations" have once again ended, we hightail it to Texas. I need to renew my driver's license. We also need to register our new truck and RV as we are establishing residency there.  Why Texas?  In a word, taxes. It is one of the friendlier states in the union when it comes to taxation and establishing residency.  We will also be taking care of the nuts and bolts of new health insurance once we get there on December 5th.  We are currently using COBRA and it's incredibly expensive. I'm hoping we can do all of these things in the two weeks we'll be in Amarillo, because...

A new obligation awaits!   Yep, it looks like our Minnesota Golden Gophers are in the hunt for a Bowl Game.  The one that they're projected to attend is the Holiday Bowl. In San Diego.  California.  Where we just were for a month.  So, yeah, if that happens, we'll hightail it back to the state of questionable roads and over regulation.  Fortunately, it's also pretty gorgeous there. 

All of this is to say, we are not slowing down!   I'm starting to face the very real possibility that it won't. Ever.  Maybe that's just what it means to have a full life, I don't know.  But we have places to go and things to do once we get there.  It's made a bit more difficult in that none of it is written in stone.  This is the difference between life in Suburbia and life in an RV.  I always knew exactly where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing in the suburbs.  There was always a plan, a road map laid out neatly for me.  Now, there is no map and no real timeline except for a vague hint of "next month".  Each time we move, we have to make another reservation and project how long we want to stay.  I'm finding it a bit more stressful than I thought it would be.  Where's the boredom?  I truly thought there would be more boredom!

Uncertainty is not yet addicting.  I think I'd like a better map. 

"I wish"

We hear this a lot, actually. "I wish I could do what you are doing."  Or "I wish I could retire."  I find that being the source of someone's envy is a very uncomfortable place for me to be.  So, as I do, I thought about it way more than I probably should and came up with this.  If you want it, do it.  It's just about the trade offs.  I truly think that we are not unique. As we are discovering, there is a large (and growing) community of full-time RVers.  We thought that, by now, the attractions we are visiting would be empty.  After all, the school year is in full swing and people are settled in for the winter, right?  Well, wrong.  The attractions we've visited are perhaps not as busy as they'd be in the summer, but there are lots of people doing the same thing we're doing.  And even more surprising, many of them are doing it with kids.  So, how did we do this? 

We talked about and accepted trade offs.  The things I was willing to give up are not trivial, not at all. I gave up order and convenience. Gone are the days when I could run out to my local grocery store for 1 or 2 things.  Now, if we need milk, we have to plan for an excursion into town. Since we change locations fairly often (at least weekly right now), we have to relearn the geography.  Order is difficult to come by. 

Silence ad space are also largely gone.  When you live in close quarters with three other people, two of whom believe that the optimal volume for conversation is "jackhammer", the sane people in the household relish the hour or so after the children have gone to bed. There is nothing so blissful as the quiet of a half empty campground by a lake.  The silence may be less frequent, but it is also deeper.  And space - we don't spread out.  We don't even put something down for five minutes without someone else asking for it to be moved out of the way.  It's tidier, because it has to be. But being mindful of the space you inhabit is definitely a trade off.  

We've also given up the convenience of infrastructure in terms of our children's education, our electricity and our internet service.  The last of those is a huge, huge deal.  Having unreliable internet service may be the one thing that ultimately stops me from enjoying this lifestyle.  I wish there were a better solution than using my phone's hot spot (which is notoriously unreliable) or trying to hook up to a campground's sketchy and almost always painfully slow WiFi.  When we find that rare campground with excellent WiFi, I binge on it like the junkie that I am. 


We traded permanence for adventure.  In fact, we have doubled down on that.  We said goodbye to our dear old girl last week.  The days of living in our Class A motor home are over.  We are enjoying this adventure much more than we thought we would, so we upgraded.  We now own a truck and pull-behind travel trailer with a separate space for the kids. Their "bunkhouse" has three bunks and plenty of toy storage.  And we can unhook and take day trips without worrying about the 6 miles to the gallon we were getting with the Coachmen.  Our plan is to continue this journey for another couple of years. There's a lot to see out here, as it turns out.

If you already own a house, you can definitely afford this lifestyle.  It's much cheaper if you stay a week or a month in one location.  And it's cheaper yet if you dry camp without any hookups at all.  There are plenty of places where this is possible.  I have given up driving all over a Metro all day and working more than I wanted in order to afford living in our mortgaged-to-the-hilt house.  The trailer  has plenty of room for all four of us, and the payment is a fraction of our mortgage.  I've given up seeing my children for a few minutes a day.  I've also given up waking up at 6am.  If you're truly willing to give up convenience and predictability, the trade off is fantastic views, lazier days and beautiful weather.  All the time.  I say, it's worth it - at least for now. 

Challenges of close confines

One of the interesting things about this lifestyle is the closeness.  It's not only the physical space, but the mental "space" as well.  And I think having a child with ADD has greatly magnified that effect.  It's hard to write about ADD without sounding like a bad parent or feeling guilty.  The side effects in my son's case are extreme negativity (about any suggested activity), a reactive contrary response to any question posed and downright harassment if there's something he wants.  The medications help, but we have tried to wean him off of those to disastrous effect.  He tests our patience, and I see this improving only as he matures.  Meanwhile, we do the best we can to manage his symptoms. I think many people assume that retirement and the life we're living now is just bliss.  It's just not so. It is always, always about balance. There will be good days and bad.  No matter where you travel, you take yourself with you.  I knew this going in to this adventure and it remains true.

There are enough positives to outweigh the negatives, of course.  This was true in our suburban life and it's true now.  We are in Utah and have made some big decisions. We are so happy doing this that we feel we can do it indefinitely.  We are also acutely aware that we are missing attractions along the way.  Because we still have obligations and timelines that need to be met, we are not fully exploring the areas we've visited.  So, we have decided to put our sailboat on hold, maybe for several years.  I don't doubt that we'll still charter when we can.  But there's a lot to be said for the RV life, and we need more time.  We will not even make it to the East Coast this year.  And next year is already largely spoken for.  We'll be retracing some of the route we took in 2016 and spending more time in each spot.  Additionally, we'll be heading farther north.  We missed out on Banff this year because of repairs to our RV.  So next year, we head to Canada for at least part of the summer.

All of this leads me to the other crazy decision we made this week. We have decided to upgrade our current living situation. We are trading in the old girl for a new trailer.  This means we will have a truck to drive around.  No more insane mountain roads with a 33 foot RV!  More on this later, but we pick up the new trailer in 10 days.  I'll document that experience when it happens.

I leave this entry with the stunning beauty that is Zion National Park.  Of course, the pictures can not do it justice.  We'll be seeing more of Utah over the next month, and I suspect I'll fall even more deeply in love.  It's pretty easy to do:

On the Road Again!

And yes, we do channel Willie Nelson and sing that song every single time we add a leg to our travels.  It never gets old. 

The last couple of weeks have been amazing.  During our stay at the Travis Air Force Base, we took a day trip to Muir Woods.  I had been waiting to see the sequoias since we talked about coming to California.  It's one of my clearer childhood memories.  I was privileged to go to a camp in the 6th grade in the middle of the Redwoods.  They do not disappoint.  My imagination did not equal the reality. How many times in life can you say that?

It's so quiet that you can feel your soul healing. Well, except for the other tourists.  But even then, everyone was respectful of this magnificent and silent world.  I learned that diplomats had met here, in the Cathedral Grove, as the United Nations was forming.  What a perfect setting to contemplate grave decisions.  There's a sense of smallness here.  Our problems are so minuscule by comparison to the thousands of years in the lives of these trees. I wish I could conjure this memory any time I am feeling worried or overwhelmed.  I wish we all could. 

After Muir Woods, we went to San Francisco, a bit of a shock after the silence.  It's a city of my childhood, so I thoroughly enjoyed the piers and sea lions.  Fisherman's Wharf is just, plain fun to see. But a couple of unexpected surprises were actually better.  We went to a museum along the wharf that contained a history of coin-operated machines.  It turns out that is really, really fun!  We spent far more time there than I expected, putting our quarters into machines from the 1800s all the way up to pinball and PacMan.  Not only was it fun for all, it was cheap! I think we spent less than $20.   Parking in the ramp was more expensive.  I highly recommend the stop if you are ever in the area.  It's called Musee Mecanique. I'd put the accents on the words properly, but my computer-challenged self can't seem to figure that out.

The other highlights for me included a street musician playing a Chapman stick and a didgeridoo, and a tour of the Boudin Bread Factory.  So much sourdough!  So little time!  We also took a side trip on the way out of town to the historic Lombard Street.  Apparently, we may be one of the last as, true to the State of California, they are now considering regulating or charging for this privilege.  It is quite a view, though.

In a nutshell, it's a great place to visit.  After the relative quiet and isolation of our RV, the traffic in San Francisco (and actually, in California as a whole) is enough to scare me away.  If I did live here again, I'd want to live within walking distance to everything I need.  Add to that the sheer number of laws around things that in other states are unregulated and, well, I'm happy to be where we are, off the grid.  Getting a simple prescription filled was like trying to merge two corporations.  I have a feeling that Nevada is going to seem downright lawless after this. 

After another week of being pampered with my dad and stepmom, we are now off again. Tables like this will be a thing of memory for awhile. She really did spoil us rotten.

 We'll be making a stop near LA to see a friend in the radio business.  We're going to record a demo to send out. I'm nervous! I haven't been on the air since 1999.  My chops may need some polishing.  I'm not expecting anything to come of it, but I am open to the possibilities. From there, we are heading to Las Vegas to see the incredible woman who took over my dog training business. She will be there for a conference. And then?  All points Utah! We'll be spending the better part of a month seeing what there is to see, checking out the Grand Canyon (of course) and then heading back to Vegas for another rendezvous.  I think the plan after that is to beeline to Texas, where we will likely try to establish residency and renew my driver's license before it expires.  Not that I am doing any driving.  The RV is unwieldy, at best, and Henry has a lot of experience with it now.  It's a fair trade, I think. He does all the driving. I do all the dishes and laundry.   In my opinion, I have the better end of that bargain! 

A break in the action - and just in time

The last couple of weeks have contained a sort of stillness that we hadn't yet experienced on the road.  We have spent the time imposing upon my dad and stepmom in sunny California.  By sunny, I mean oppressively hot by 1pm.  They are having an unseasonably hot Fall in in the valley as well as a drought. 

This was, we thought, our last obligation.  This would be the last time that we had to be somewhere at a certain time.  So we acted like it and became lumps for days at a time.  It was lovely.  The added benefit is that my stepmom is a fantastic cook.  Ethan has been sous chef for several meals, and my waistline reflects this culinary extravagance. On other days, we took day trips with the loan of a car.  I can not even describe the delight of driving a tiny vehicle that immediately responds to the driver after the bumping and swaying of a 33-foot motor home.  We even drove at speeds of 70 miles per hour!   Henry and I took a "date drive" down the coast to Monterey and Carmel.  If you ever get the chance to take the 17 mile drive, do it without hesitation.   It is some of the prettiest real estate in the country.

We also went on saw a dear friend of mine who generously welcomed my family to her home. And as a bonus, her husband is a ham radio guy!  I got a free demonstration. It's something I'll definitely be exploring when it's time to get the sailboat. 

We get a lot of questions about that, by the way. And the answer is, we are really enjoying what we're doing now.  So much so, in fact, that we have started to contemplate trading up.   We did some shopping for trailers that can be towed while we were in the area.  There are a couple of major advantages to this method of travel. First, we can detach the trailer which would mean no more stressful (borderline terrifying) drives up winding mountain roads in the gigantic RV.  Our pocketbook would be happy at the higher gas mileage, no doubt. And second, the kids would have a space of their own.  That would mean no more putting the beds away each morning and getting them out each night.  So! We have put the RV up for sale. I sort of can't believe we're doing it, and we'd be just fine if we end up not selling it. It's our home, after all. We'll see if we get a nibble or two.  With all of the work we've put into it, it's a steal at what we're asking.   A little piece of me just can't think about that too much or there will be weeping. Oh well, it's only money. And I'll take some solace from the fact that someone will get a lot of enjoyment from our labor.  So, I guess, if you know someone who's looking:

http://www.rvtrader.com/listing/1997-Coachmen-CATALINA-330MBS-119622900


A couple of other notables from this period.  We drove to San Francisco with the entire family to pick up a new addition to the Madison household.  She is the cutest little thing! 

I will say, though, that driving into San Francisco...on a Friday night...during rush hour is maybe not optimal. 

And finally, the reason for the obligation, the reason we had to be in California by mid-September, the Monterey Jazz Festival.  We got to see one of our favorites, Davina and the Vagabonds.  Check them out if you're a jazz and blues lover. They are fantastic. She knocked it out of the park, as usual. 

Now, the obligations are not ending like we thought they would. They are terrific to have, though. That's the difference in our lives between working and retirement.  People actually want to see us!  Go figure.  So we have dates to see friends and family through December! And there are more friends to add to our list.  I now think that this aspect will not change as long as there are people we know along our route.  Our current stop is the Travis Air Force Base, where Henry's niece is living with her family.  It's a mini city! I had no idea how big it would be. We went to the museum on base yesterday and my brain is still swimming.  I have decided that Erin should be an astronaut. 

So, while the "have to"s have definitely lessened, they have not completely ceased.  I think they lend us purpose, which turns out to be a pretty good thing. 

Routines and the lack thereof

Can it be that we have actually started to fall into a routine?  Granted, it's loose, but I think it might count as something of a schedule.  We get up late, comparatively.  We were up by 6am and off to school by 7:15am for an 8am start time back in the real world.  Now, we're lucky to drag ourselves out of bed by 8:30am.  Coffee. Always coffee. Then homework. We have been using Khan Academy for math, but we've discovered that it also covers a number of other subjects. There are great videos and explanations that are kid friendly. We are also using Science News magazine as a source for current events, and I'm teaching cursive.  Duolingo has our Spanish curriculum.  And of course, we take advantage of the local offerings.   The Lewis and Clark trail ends in Washington, so we were able to visit an absolutely top notch interpretive center.  Did you know that Lewis was a captain but Clark wasn't?  His commission just hadn't come through in time for the trip. But Lewis kept it a secret anyway. As far as the rest of the men knew, they were both captains.  I found that rather endearing. As the homeschooling thing revs up and solidifies, we are asking the kids to pursue a subject in which they are interested and then present their findings to the rest of us. 

We have lunch before noon.  I'm trying to limit my calorie intake, because I'm still cruise chubby.  Well, come ON! They feed you 7 times a day!  It couldn't be helped.  The afternoons then are comprised of bike rides or hikes or, as is the case today, a rafting experience. I have never been white water rafting, so I'm excited and a little scared.  Since I am not taking my camera with me on that adventure (because, water), here's a shot of our hike the other day near Cascade Locks, Oregon.  My overall take on Oregon so far is that it's even prettier than Washington State. Sure, Washington has the big mountains, but Oregon seems richer and lusher.

Every second or third day, we drive.  We've also started keeping track of chores for the kids and have implemented a points or "minutes" system for screen time.  Time can be added or taken away depending on behavior.  It's going shockingly well.  I'm impressed again by how much humans need structure. We crave it.  The kids are responding beautifully to the new guidelines.  Because of it, I now think this was such a great idea!  Of course, give me an hour and I may change my mind.

By evening, the togetherness usually gets to me.  I shouldn't be surprised at how much time I seem to need alone, but I am.  Quiet is bliss.  Bliss, I tell you!  I may need to invest in some sort of noise-cancelling earphones or earplugs.  I swear, my children are trying to rob me of any hearing I have left.  My days in radio and loud concerts took a toll before they were born, to be sure. But they find amusement in yelling directly into my ear, just to be sure that I am completely deaf in my senior years.  And don't get me started on Yahtzee, surely the LOUDEST game in the universe.  Don't believe me?  Play it with a 10- and 11-year old so intent on shaking the dice as loudly as possible that the outcome of the game is irrelevant.   I have sworn it off, along with breakfast. 

Internet is also still a problem. I feel like a junkie.  We're heading into California in a few days, and I'm looking forward to visiting my dad and his wife, my stepmom. I'd be lying if at least a smidgeon of my desire is a fast internet hookup.  I am itching for a fix! We have also been sending a number of packages ahead.  Getting mail is another complicated problem, so it's nice to have a "home base" for a couple of weeks.  These are things I naturally took for granted before this. 

So am I ready to go back and re-enter?  ...Nah.  If the right thing came up, we'd do it.  But we're a-ok with this choice for the moment, especially when we see our kids playing together on a beach. Ethan does a mean Jack Sparrow imitation. Life is good.

Real life sets in, and other challenges

I hope I've been careful not to allow my blog to sound like this is a vacation, one big fun fest.  Because it isn't.  Vacation was the week on a cruise ship and the week on the sailboat. Family was visiting, we were waited upon, and we experienced luxury.  Real life has begun to settle in a bit more now, and it comes with conflict and difficulty.  The lack of phone service and internet have become major problems rather than minor inconveniences.  The solution seems to be to hang out in or near towns at least some of the time.  We have a booster for the local WiFi options, but the internet connections in campgrounds have been notoriously iffy and very, very slow.  What do you need internet for, you might ask.  Well, a lot, as it turns out.  The kids have been using online tools like Khan Academy and Duolingo as well as the connectivity needed for their blogs.  Henry and I need it for - everything else.  We can't find new campgrounds without the internet.  We can't make reservations without phone service.  And anytime an issue comes up, we need to be able to get to the source. Such was the case with an insurance issue yesterday, an issue that (just like living in suburbia) took up our entire morning on the phone.

The kids seem tired of moving, which is not unexpected.  They have really enjoyed the non-driving days (as have I).  These are the days when we don't move, really, from the RV much at all and they are allowed to play and just BE.  We always do homework on these days, and I think we need more of them. But we still have a couple of not-so-distant obligations, fun though they are, and do actually need to be somewhere specific on a particular date.  Our next of these is a trip to see my dad and his wife in California, something to which I'm definitely looking forward. We've never seen their house, though we have visited them in CA before.  I'm looking forward to having a place to relax for a few days.  So, on we go!  The driving days at least have become routine.  There have been (knocking on wood as I type) no more mechanical issues.

Then, there are the kids. Is it because there has been so much stimulation and diversity?  Or is it that you see the same three people all day, every day.  Whatever the cause, I will admit to tiring of displays of tantrum and lack of gratitude.  The sassing when asked to do a simple task or whining when an activity like hiking is suggested are exhausting at this point. I find my temper growing shorter than I'd like. I'd love to be that dispassionate, matter-of-fact mom who just spells out consequences and then follows through with them when conflict arises.  I have a reserve of this, but it's tough when there's no buffer (like school).

Then...there is my spouse.  He has lately started expressing real and serious doubts about how long he wants to do this.  Is it going to be fun in another month?  Is the novelty wearing off? When will the "bad" outweigh the "good"?  Of course, I find such pondering stressful.  We have both given up a lot, sacrificed what we had worked for, to do this.  If one of us is disillusioned after the first couple of months, I'm not sure where we go from here.  His rumination is balanced by wonderment and delight when we do things we never would have gotten to do another way.  An example, kiting on the beautiful Crescent Beach in Washington State:

We also took a (very long) hike on the Dungeness Spit to a lighthouse. It was five and a half miles to the lighthouse...and 5 and and half miles back.  We never would have known such a thing existed without this adventure.  It was certainly memorable!  My knee may never forget.  And just this morning, while the tide was low, we walked out onto a heavily populated bit of land that you can't see at high tide.  There were anemone, tiny crabs, fish and all sorts of clams and mussels that simply vanish into the ocean when the water comes in. It was one of the most beautiful places I can imagine.

So, for me, it is still worth it. I still think we did the right thing.  The benefits still outweigh the risks and damages.   I would certainly keep going. But I would also give it up if the right opportunity presented itself.  I'm a pretty adaptable person. I fear stagnancy much more than I fear change. I am also savvy enough to know that any type of "re-entry" into society we'd attempt would have to be new.

I am aware that you can not go home again.  Everything will be different, because you yourself have changed.

Two Weeks of Crazy - Part Two

You know that feeling when you're so stressed out that you feel like your head might actually pop off of your body?  That's how I felt on Friday, July 29th as we transitioned from a week of ridiculous, over the top luxury to a 45 foot space...for six people.  After disembarking from Celebrity Solstice, we recovered our RV and drove to Bellingham, WA where we provisioned for the week, did laundry, and basically got our act together for the next big thing.  Why we did these two trips back to back is beyond me.  I suppose we thought we'd be in the area, so why not. But good grief, never again.

We chartered a 45 foot monohull with the idea that we needed a good test on one.  The idea was to see whether we could live on a monohull versus a catamaran. We had really only ever considered a cat before this.   The result was, in a word, no.  Nope. No way. No, no, no.   As it turns out, I hate heeling in a boat more than I remembered.   I love to sail in a cat. Everything stays level, more or less. In a monohull, I can tolerate up to a 25 degree heel and then I want to scream.  It might have helped if I had grown up on the water, but I didn't.  My first experience sailing was at Fair Hills Resort in Detroit Lakes, MN.  On a catamaran.  We owned an 18 foot Hobie cat for 10 years and then spent that week on one last December.  Maybe if I'd only done the monohull thing first, I'd feel differently. But for me, now, there is no going back. 

Once I got over the terror of sailing it, we had a lovely time.  We got to see some absolutely beautiful places in the San Juan Islands and, as a bonus, got to be the first to try out the owner's new dinghy:

On our first day out, a pod of orcas went right past the boat!  So, already, I was feeling like the discomfort was worth it.  And a beautiful hike through the Roche Harbor sculpture garden helped as well:

Since I know that our eventual goal is to be on a sailboat, I feel like I should spent a bit more time explaining why, for me, the debate between monohull and catamaran is settled, once and for all.  I actually feel that I could get used to the boat tipping over every time the wind changes, but only if I'm on deck.  Being below and, heaven forbid, trying to cook while that's happening would make me seasick beyond words.  The rolling motion of the cat is very different.  You stay flat and hit the waves head on.  That's not always pleasant either, but at least I can retain my balance. 

Then there's the actual living space.  Even my 10 and 11 year old children said the berths were too much like coffins.  Everyone was banging their heads on various parts of the boat all week long.  Going down below for everything became not just irritating but separated all of us constantly.  Once we were all down there and eating supper, for example, it was fine. But the transitions were very tricky.  My mom actually had a mini breakdown at the beginning of the week.  We both had to have an attitude adjustment in the form of margaritas before we could continue. In short, I will never willingly do that again.   Even the RV is more pleasant, because at least you can pass each other without sidestepping and there's plenty of headroom.  Okay, rant over.  It really was a beautiful week, and I'm grateful for the chance to see the beautiful waters of San Juan Islands.

And I was left with this: Saturday, we said goodbye to my mom and to my stepson.  We likely will not see them again until Christmas.  That's a hard thing when you're used to having these people a short drive away.  Thank goodness for the internet.

Two Weeks of Crazy - Part One

I'm not kidding, the last two weeks were just nuts. This was the scene at the start of the madness:

The Alaskan cruise departing from Seattle followed almost a year of planning, driving, flying and coordinating.  The night before, my mom and stepson had arrived at the campground at which we were staying.  We slept, badly in my case, got up on the 22nd and drove the 33 foot RV through the narrow streets of Seattle.  It's not for the feint of heart.  I hope to never repeat that experience.  The only cities I'd guess could be worse are Washington, DC, New York City and San Francisco. 

The cruise was, as imagined, amazing.  Every aspect, from the size of the ship to the size of the glaciers, was overwhelming. I'm sure I'll be processing each memory over and over for the next decade. After a first day at sea, we caught our first glimpse of Alaska in Ketchikan:

 A more charming view, I simply can't imagine. The entire town is just, plain "cute".  We had excursions planned, and they exceeded expectations.  One of the highlights for me was spotting an eagle nest with a couple of hatchlings in it.  They were just starting to leave the nest.  As we watched, mom came back and chewed them out.  Not so different from humans, I suspect. 

Mom: "I said, get back in there!  You do not have permission to be out here!"
Kids: "But we're hungreeeeee!"
Mom: "I said now, and I mean it."
Kids: "But mooooom!"

This went on for a couple of minutes before mom flew off in disgust, probably to find more fish, poor woman.

The next day was Juneau, also amazing.  Then, it was time to see a glacier.  Yes, the glaciers are rapidly receding and that alone was pretty scary.  But faced with one, it does not seem possible that there could be more ice.  It simply took my breath away.  Our captain was delightful and did a "donut" in front of this monster so that everyone on board could get a good look:

After Skagway, we headed back down south to Victoria and the Butchart Gardens.  "Spectacular" could cover it, but I'll add "sweat" to that description.  The maintenance and upkeep simply defies explanation. 

So, would we go on a cruise again?  Definitely.  My advice for anyone wanting to do it would be to just get the best package you can afford, right off the bat.  It's nice not to have to think about what drinks you can or can not order.  We went through a fantastic travel agent, and would not do it again without her help. 

We saw humpback whales bubble feeding, a baby bear and a beautiful national forest.  We ate, ate and then ate some more. I spent quality time with my kids, my husband, my stepson, and my mom.   And we ended the week dizzy from the experience. 

But it was only to continue the following week with a charter sailing experience. See the next installment for that!

Custer, Glacier and Flathead, OH MY!

Custer first.  Was he basically the first American Rock Star?  When he died, they said the "flower of the army" had been killed.  How charismatic must he have been to be a celebrity without Entertainment Tonight or Facebook?  My overall impression of the Battle of Little Big Horn is that it was so wasteful.  The US Government should not have been there at all.  Breaking a treaty after less than a decade should be the story, right?  Yet, in many history books, it's the ambush and the spectacular battle that takes center stage.  Oh well.  At least my kids know the real story now, and what a lesson it was.  If the chance arises to visit, do.  The bus tour, the talk by a ranger, all of it. It's impressive and moving.

Next was the Beartooth Mountains. Yes, it really does look like this.

Beartooth was an unexpected trip.  We had to stop for repairs (go figure) in Billings.  Man, what a difference an excellent mechanic makes. I was tempted to invite the guys at Top Tech along on our trip.  While we did have to hang out for three days, they gave us a car to use and lots of advice on what to see. We would never have gone to chipmunk paradise without their recommendation.  It was absolutely crazy.  Several, nay dozens, of fat little chipmunks swarm the humans at a vista pullover. We were forewarned: Bring sunflower seeds or be bereft.  Better advice, my daughter has never received.  She would have stayed there all day as the fat little beggars took the seeds straight from her hand.  These are not wild chipmunks any longer. We have spoilt them silly.  Their little cheeks were so full that they would vanish into holes, undoubtedly to spit some out, before running back for more.

The repairs done(ish), we moved on to Glacier National Park.  It's such a cliche, but around every curve was another breathtaking view.  If you're into scenery, this is your heaven.

It's just one spectacular view after another.  We attempted the shuttle to the top, but it was overcast and 40 degrees.  Yeah, not so much.  Back down the mountain we went.  And now we're at Flathead Lake.  I wish the beauty were easy to describe, but of course it isn't.  I don't have enough adjectives.  We will be in this adorable campground (Rollins, by the way - I highly recommend it) until Saturday when it's on to Idaho.  We have to cut Banff out of our journey this summer due to the time constraints.  We are Seattle-bound, after all. I don't have the slightest idea how it will feel after that, to have no further deadlines on our schedule.  I can't even grasp it.

So - are we adventuring now?  I think so, yes.   The kids are fighting.  I am using my Instant Pot, but we're still eating out more than we'd like.  We are homeschooling, more effectively when we have internet access.  And we are starting to see some really beautiful things.  We have made an appointment in Bellingham, WA for the RV, poor old thing.  I don't believe the previous owners did a thing toward maintaining her.  So she's getting the works with us.  Everywhere we stop, she gets a little TLC.  A new exhaust manifold in Shakopee. A new steering suspension in Alexandria.  New brake pads and axel in Billings.  And an air conditioning tune up in Bellingham.  Clever girl, choosing us as her new owners. 

Maintenance, Mustangs and Mud!

Well, we made it this far, but barely! The repairs on a 1998 RV are extensive and expensive!  Good thing we no longer have a house payment! hahaha  Yes, one must laugh or one would be loony tunes.  Both our house and one of the town homes we owned have officially closed.  We are no longer residents of Minnesota. We signed on with Good Sam RV Club and got a Florida address through them.  The mail forwarding service should work...I say should because for the last several weeks, I've been writing 7/ on all of the documents I've been filling out instead of 6/.  Why, you ask?  Because I'm numerically challenged, that's why.  Someone else had to tell me recently that I was 48 years old this year, not 49.  Hey, I'm really good at cooking pasta al dente, okay?  We all have our strengths.  So, anyway, our mail might have to be sorted by the new owners at Old Brick Yard Road for a few weeks.  

We're currently camping out in Medora, North Dakota at the southern edge of Theodore Roosevelt National Park. The weeks of goodbyes to family and friends has come to an end, and now we're on our own. I really hope I like these people. Don't let this picture fool you.  This was a brief moment of happiness in a day filled with whining and crabbiness about so much walking and how hot it is! Ethan actually expressed a desire for winter.  I can not relate.

 As of tomorrow, we'll be in uncharted territory (for us).  Obviously, a bunch of people charted it before we got here, so this is pretty easy stuff.  Google tells us where to stop for new shock absorbers (we desperately need these - I'm losing fillings by the hour), and Roadtrippers points out all of the sites to see along the way.  Good Sam gets us the rest of the way.  It's a much smaller world than it used to be.  No one should hesitate to strike out.  The infrastructure in the US is here for you.

I can't say I'm feeling the adventure yet. I'm still very comfortable. All of this is so familiar. I went to high school in Bismarck, so it's not my first trip to TRNP.  I've been here at least a dozen times.  It's awe-inspiring in its beauty. And I got a special treat today.  It's not every visit that you get to see wild horses, and even rarer to see them with their babies. 

Our next scheduled stop is Custer's Last Stand in Montana. I've never been there, so maybe then this will sort of sink in a bit more, that this is actually our life now.  So far, it still kind of feels like a long road trip vacation.  Except for the repairs. That part definitely hits the reality bone. 

Speaking of sinking in (ha! Segue alert!), I am not known for my love of filth. But if you ever get the chance to sink your toes into the mud of the Little Missouri River banks, do it!  It feels delightful...to a point, of course.  And then you just want to wash off your feet.   I wonder if RVing will be similar.

A very eventful month

Wow!  If I think back to the last blog entry, it seems like it should have been months and months ago. That's what happens when events crowd together in rapid succession.  After the Wisconsin tour, we spent the weekend visiting friends and catching up on the house business.  Monday, we took the RV in to the shop for what we thought would be a couple of days.  We didn't get it back until Friday, the day we were to leave the Twin Cities.  In the interim, we saw friends, closed on the house and the townhouse, finished cleaning out the house and wasting a lot of time in a hotel room.  Finally, Friday arrived and we picked up the RV just as rush hour was starting. Now, if you haven't tried to get out of Minneapolis on a Friday afternoon, allow me to explain.  There are two and sometimes three lanes of traffic.  Everyone is trying to get to their cabins or simply home from work so that they can go to their cabins.  The maximum speed from 2:30pm until about 8pm is 30 miles per hour.  There might be a trickster stretch of 65, but that's an anomaly and soon corrected.

As we maneuvered through this maze in our newly fixed RV, we resigned ourselves to a long drive.  We braked for a particularly slow section and the rig started to shudder.  Hard.  It stopped and we resumed, though a little more cautiously this time.  It happened again.  And then again.  And we were now the people on the side of the road that others look at and say, "Wow, that would suck."  The thing is, though, it really didn't. Not really. I mean, we were at home, after all. We had a side of the road sing along and hastily packed a bag before calling my mom to come and rescue us (along with a really big tow truck).  Funny, we had just signed up for Roadside Assistance at the hotel a couple of days before.  We made it through Wisconsin without issue, but suddenly 60 miles from home we needed the tow truck.

It's hard to feel too sorry for us.

So, what's next?  Well, this until we hear from the new shop.  They have tested the RV and found nothing wrong with it.  You'd think this would be happy news, but I'd actually rather they pinpoint the issue and fix it.  I don't really want to be driving up a mountain pass in Montana when this happens again. Meanwhile, my mom's place is pretty amazing.  There's food, a place to sleep and a free view.  Thinking that we have to be somewhere is going to be a hard habit to give up.  We're working on it this week.

Whirlwind Tour of Wisconsin - Check!

Our first major test of the RV is at an end and it performed.  It didn't perform well, but it did get us home safely. I give credit where credit is due.  It goes in on Monday for a complete tune up and not a moment too soon.  Apparently, if you let it sit somewhere for a couple of days, it is reluctant to get moving again...kind of like me that way.  I can definitely get into the habit of lazing about.   But it did eventually get us back to Minnesota.  We covered over 800 miles on this trip, so I think the guts of this rig are A-Ok. 

There was a tremendous amount of socializing and this coming week looks to be much of the same. We'll be saying goodbye to many dear friends.  But our hope is that with technology, we can stay in touch.  With so much chatting, I'll admit to longing for some down time.  I do wonder.  How many days and nights with just the four of us does it take for me to long for a chat with a friend?  I guess we're going to find out. 

We are planning on being back here next summer. A couple of people thought we should return in time for Christmas.  Ha! First of all, the RV lumbers along at 60 mph maximum.  I think Henry pushes it to 65 sometimes and it whines like a four-year-old.  "Ugh, do I have to?" 

It takes a long time to get anywhere. Also, avoiding Minnesota in the winter is one of the reasons we're doing this, so thanks but no thanks.  However, it's hard to beat the summers here.  This is the Wisconsin State Park we stayed in last night:

Willow River State Park

It's idyllic, no?  I was reminded of a Robert Frost poem Ethan's 5th grade class recited at their Moving Up (to middle school) ceremony a couple of short weeks ago.  

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

You see, most of what we saw and did in Wisconsin was known to us.  The people we visited and the places we stayed were not new.  But at the end of the trip, we stayed here - and explored.  Going forward, most everything we do will be forging into the unknown.   I foresee many beautiful places along the journey, new friends and lots more exploration.

...I hope there will be laundromats.   Exploring, as it turns out, is sweaty business. 

A Whirlwind Tour of Wisconsin

Nine days, eight siblings and spouses/significant others, four towns, and assorted nieces and nephews.  We have been busy, and my brain is numb!  Every day has been full to brimming, and a few things are starting to shake out. 

The RV is plenty big.  Really! We have plenty of space and there are plenty of ways to get away from each other if a break is needed.  The cooking, though we've done very little of it on this trip, is a cinch.  Ethan makes his own eggs with ease, and I'm already used to doing dishes by hand.  In fact, instead of hating it, I find it comforting.  It allows me a sense of accomplishment as well.  

The RV is no fun to drive. Really!  You might think how nice it would be to get up and move around during a long road trip. But the reality, in this RV at least, is that the moment you are released from your seat belt and on your feet you are longing to sit down and put it back on. To say that you are unstable while moving about is a gross understatement.  Sailboats on the ocean are flatter than this beast when moving.  And every bump on the road is shimmying up your spine at 55 miles an hour.  This is not a smooth ride. I'm starting to even question whether it has anything for shock absorption but its own weight.  

A couple of the highlights of the trip!  When we arrived in Hawkins, Wisconsin to see Henry's mother, about the first thing he did was drive it into a soft spot in the yard. I chuckled, though only quietly to myself, (I'm not a complete idiot) because I had suggested asking where to park.  But no no, we don't ask such things.  We simply do!  This is the result:

Five hours later, we were out but not without a lot of elbow grease. Ultimately, it came down to knowing someone with a tractor.   I hate to think what would have happened without Henry's brother. Actually, all of his siblings are amazing.  If one of them needs help, they are on it. And they really don't quit until it's done.  I'm a bit different.  I took one look at the above and reached for my phone to call a towing company.  This, "oh no, we can do it ourselves" thing is foreign to me.  And in case it wasn't already clear, my own elbow grease was nowhere near this disaster.  I was inside with a book.

We have been welcomed everywhere we've been, and I'm so grateful to Henry's family.  Because of them, we have gotten to see the inner workings of a dairy farm, the Wisconsin State Capitol and an amazing greenhouse. Our kids are getting a fun, interactive education.

And then, there was this.

This is why we are doing what we're doing.  A random "overlook" on a highway exit sounded appealing, so we just stopped. And it was spectacular.  If you have wondered why we sold all of our stuff, why we quit our jobs or why we are willing to live in an RV, this sums it up.  We felt like stopping.  So we did. 

A huge weight lifted

We have done it!  We have made it through the school year!  The kids are done with traditional schooling, for as long as we all see fit.  Today was their last day, and I will not miss 6am.  There were days when I thought we wouldn't make it. 

We're getting down to the nitty gritty now. Tomorrow, junk removal guys will take away the big stuff we couldn't get rid of any other way. There's, again, a surprising amount of that.  The carpets in our house will be professionally cleaned, and we will get ourselves out of the second of the three bathrooms in our (former) house.  The process of this rears its head again and again.  This is truly not for the weak of constitution.  There are so many creature comforts to be abandoned. I already miss my dishwasher.  I had forgotten how many dishes a family of four could generate. Just think about it for a moment. Three meals a day for four people.  That's, at a minimum, four plates, a few miscellaneous bowls, whatever pots and pans you use for preparation and the silverware and utensils.  I am beginning what I am sure will be a lengthy love affair with my Instant Pot.  One pot, seven different ways to cook something.  I have passed the oh-my-goodness-it's-going-to-blow-up-and-kill-us-all stage of owning an electric pressure cooker.  Now, I just appreciate that it's only one thing to scrub clean. 

The projects - I mean, good grief!  They seem endless right now. My husband spent a good 90 minutes today putting an under-the-counter magnetic knife block in place.  One must have a certain tenacity and stubborn spirit to make this type of existence work.  I will readily admit that I don't have it.  15 minutes in to the knife thing, I would have called a handyman to come and do it for me.  I could not have chosen a better partner for this adventure.

Ta da!  I mean, it may not look amazing but until you have lived in a tiny space, you can not appreciate the space-saver that this is.  That I no longer have to pull these knives out of their boxes in order to use them is nothing short of Christmas-in-June for me. 

Although my husband did get me an anniversary gift (a battery-operated light that you can put in a wine bottle - and yes, it is super cool), I consider this knife block to be my real gift.  This knife block is the secret to our 14 year marriage.   

In a couple of days, we'll have our farewell picnic hosted by friends.  I truly thought I was okay with all of these "lasts" until I had coffee with a friend this week and almost started weeping in a strip mall Starbucks.  Just the sight of her was enough to send me.  

Sunday we will leave for the first big test of this motor home, on the road. We'll have no more convenient trips to the house for "real" toilets and showers, and no more full garbage bags stowed in the garage for easy pick up on Thursdays.  There will be no more quick trips to the house to do a load of laundry.  I wonder if there's a laundromat locator app...hmmm.

And of course, we begin homeschooling. We're not taking a break for summer.  By Monday, we will be in Rice Lake, Wisconsin where, I'm told, the Onion Factory lives.  They make onion rings there...need I say more? If there is no tour available, I am going to be so disappointed!  Rice Lake, in case you didn't know is also the home of a factory which make Western-style rifles.  How many industries can we learn about on this road trip?  How many subcultures can we discover? We are taking this opportunity to allow our kids to guide their own learning.  What are they interested in?  How do they like to study?  For me, this is the real adventure.   And I think it's finally starting!
 

When does the fun part start?

It has been another grueling couple of weeks of preparation and "lasts".  Ethan has been in dance for 6 years. Last night was his last banquet, and of course there were tears.  His teacher and owner of the studio awarded him a Certificate of Achievement entitled "I'll Miss You Like Crazy".  And I'm questioning everything. Is this going to ruin our childrens' lives?  What have we done? Are we crazy for pulling them away from everything they have ever known?  His tears triggered my own. 

Earlier in the day, my daughter had her last school performance. She was Black Dog in Treasure Island. She hugged her friends and I wondered if she was going to hate me for what we're doing.   She's known these girls since Kindergarten.

The house is not yet empty, so we're cleaning it out while at the same time trying to make the RV as livable as possible.  As I type, my computer is finally functional - for the first time in two weeks.  Meanwhile, we have sold 1 of 2 town homes and are going to leave our renters in 2 for as long as they like.  It's going to be tricky, but their situation is unique. We want to help them in any way that we can. 

This is my pattern. "I'll clean the kitchen. Well, I can't clean that until this stuff is out of here. We can't get this stuff out of here until we're done using the bathrooms in here.  And I can't get this other stuff out of here until so-and-so comes to claim it and pick it up.  And I definitely can't clean the floors until we're done tracking in and out of here carrying stuff out."  It's a helpless feeling.

The countdown is suddenly in the single digits.  I am running out of time, but I am incapable of finishing any single project. For a task-oriented person, this causes actual, physical pain.  I can not finish a single task, and my brain wants an escape.  There had better be a glittering rainbow of check marks at the end of this, or I'm afraid I'm going to dissolve into a blubbering heap.  I found a green Lego in an empty room today and just about lost my tenuous hold on composure. 

I try to console myself with the next thing that will make me glad.  I'll be glad when -
School is over.  We have 2 and half days to go!
The house is empty and clean.
We actually go somewhere instead of hanging out in a camper in our yard!

I'm ready for the fun part.  

Hello, Eczema, my old friend

The stress has decided to manifest itself in the physical world.  My hands look like a 13 year old's T-zone.  The little red bumps are worse than pimples, though, because they relentlessly itch.  This is a well-documented stress reaction of mine.   Hey, at least I have a crystal clear signal from my body that says, "STOP!" 

Stuff happened this week. A lot of it.  The estate sale happened. I don't know what I expected, but I do not feel sad.  I keep waiting for that, the sadness of loss.  "Alas and alack, my home is no more!"  But no, of course that's not how it is. Our home is now the RV. We took it with us.  And what is left after the estate sale madness (and madness, it absolutely was) is a shell of a house. For those looking to go this route, I'd say probably be dead first.  Then, it's totally fine when a team of people starts putting price tags on all of your belongings.  See, then it's all good when you have to be away from your house for two full days while they sell it all.  The way we did it was really taxing.  There are only so many things you can do, so many errands you can run.  The upside is that I got a new mattress topper.   The downside is that they did not sell everything.  Just a lot of things.  We now have the ominous job of going through what is left and either selling it ourselves (Craig's List, here we come), donating it or storing it.

We also finished getting Town home #1 cleaned up and ready to list this week. That was a three full days of cleaning.  The renters had not trashed the place or anything, but renters are different from owners.  There was some neglect and grime and that required elbow grease.   I found some new muscles that can be detected only by cleaning the floor behind a refrigerator. 

Meanwhile, we picked up the RV and started moving into it.  I'm just going to leave that there for now.  

And finally, it was mammogram time.  Many women can related to the stress of the call after a mammogram saying that additional pictures are needed.  It isn't a panicked, crisis type of stress. Rather, it's a low level hum, a persistent and nagging thought as one tries to talk oneself out of worrying.  "I'm sure it's nothing.  I'm fine. And if it's cancer, they're sure catching it early.  I don't feel sick at all.  So that's good.  And it's nothing, probably.  It's just a bad picture.  But if it is cancer, I really live close to a fantastic facility. Mayo is the best. I'll go there and I will be okay." And round and round it goes.  I went in Friday for the new pictures.  They took them. And then?  They wanted another one.   Now, it's cancer or at the very least a benign cyst.  I probably have to have it removed. They'll do a biopsy.  I might have to go through radiation or something, just to be safe.

"You are all clear. It is just overlapping tissue. You can go now." 

And then the relief floods through every cell and the realization of how much you've been carrying around weighs as you let it go.  Deep breath. 

And on we go. 

Speed bump

Mmmkay. Rough week about sums it up.  Good news or bad news?

The good news? We have apparently sold our house! I know! We haven't even listed our property yet, but there it is.  Our closest neighbors (who are currently renting) are coming over tomorrow night to basically seal the deal. So, I suppose I'm jumping the gun until we actually close.  But it looks like our house and land are in the hands of a very lovely couple.  Wow!  More about them later, because they truly are amazing people. But today is about something else. 

The bad news - and I say this with as much love as I can muster - is that we have been invaded. The estate sales company had the first of three staging days. And truly, not knowing what to expect here was a gigantic disadvantage.  Five people.  Five hours. Suddenly, my house is not my own.

They came. They rearranged. They priced. Everything. They put a price on our lives.  This is not a process for the faint of heart, the weak. I thought I could take it. But two hours in, I bailed. I was ready for wine at 4pm.  There are no words to describe this. I am literally sitting here, trying to decide how to articulate the reduction of one's LIFE.  I have actually seen this from the outside before, when someone passes away, dies.  The weekend after my sister's death, I found myself going through her clothes with my mother.  "Yes, that I'll take. That should be donated. This, that."  It was horrible and sickening, and the only way to get through something like that is not to think about what you're doing.  This is similar.  I understand now why people in this situation cry over a skirt. I read the blog of another woman, about to set sail with her family, as she wept over a skirt she had to give up. "I could take four, but I wanted five."  That is precisely how I feel now.  These items, a Christmas ornament here, a wine glass there, are not just things, right? They are memories that tie us to people, to memories, to our lives before today.   I was not at all prepared for the moment, even though I had tried, for a company to come in and put a price tag on my life thus far.  It was humbling and grating and, quite honestly, painful.

Knowing what I now know, I will do whatever I have to do to distract myself from this reality over the next week.  I will have lunch with friends. I will be away from my home, which is soon to be the shell where we once lived.  I will look forward.  If I could somehow describe the raw emotion I'm feeling tonight, because I know I will want to look back on this eventually, I am not sure I could do it justice. There is a feeling of sadness of course, but there is also a shame - shame, that I allowed these things to have such power.  Why do they mean anything at all?  They are nothing in the grand scheme. I want to look back on this in a year and be grateful for everything I had to leave behind in order to gain what I have gained. Freedom is more important than a skirt.  It may not feel that way today, but I know this to be true.  Freedom is the gift I am giving myself. I'm purchasing that gift with the things that have held me.  I've loved them and now I will let them go.

Trigger pulled

Well, wow! That happened.  We went out and just bought the first RV we actually saw face-to-face today.  We didn't really plan it that way...maybe that's obvious. But we drove about an hour and half to get to St. Cloud, MN, saw the only RV that Pleasureland had in our price range and just, well, bought it!  Who does that?  In the moment, I was thinking, "Yep, this is about right" and of course now I'm a little freaked out.  It's a 1998 Coachmen 33 footer. See? I'm already talkin' the talk.  We took it for a rather hilarious test drive in which my dear husband had his passengers bracing for turns against anything we could get our hands on.  He'll learn. RVs are apparently NOT cars. Who knew? They corner badly, in other words.

I think my hubby expected to be wowed by the one we would eventually purchase. But I was approaching it differently.  Is it decently kept?   Does it smell bad?  How's the engine?  Those were my priorities, possibly even in that order.  Could we live in it?  The thing about this one is that I could actually picture us in it. It has some of the things we want, not all. But the price and mileage were right.

We don't actually have it in our possession yet.  That comes later. The "techs" (I think this is fancy speak for mechanics) are going to give it a once over and fix a few cosmetic things first.  There's also a whistling noise that needs to be identified and fixed before the purchase is finalized. But then - yeah, we're RV owners!

For those who have not really kept up, we're trying the rarely attempted Turf to Surf method of retirement.  We will use our portable home for a year (or so) before switching to the sea.  If we hate it, and each other, after 3 months, we may have to reassess.  But for now, I'm delighted that we can start moving into our new home as the new one fades away.  The estate sale is a mere 3 weeks away. And I'd be lying if I said that the idea of coming back to an empty house after the sale is appealing in any way.  Somehow, sleeping in beds in the RV is far superior an idea than sleeping on mattresses in an otherwise empty house.

I'm not entirely sure how much influence recent events have had in the haste in this purchase. Probably very little, but I think it's worth mentioning.  Prince. Prince Rogers Nelson died this week. He was 57.  Our time here is short, my friends. If Prince can not live forever, then none of us can.  Take your goodies whilst you can.  So cliche, and yet...our hearts are newly broken by this loss and keeping the idea of shooting stars fresh in our heads. So, it is with the Purple One's love of life and of love itself in my head that I say - 

We are really doing this - holy cats!