Buckle up, this one is a little bumpy

I'm an open book sort of person. I will talk about just about anything, with anyone.  Exhibit A: This blog. All anyone has to do is to go back and read it from the beginning to see a map of my soul. I don't really have "taboo" topics, though I keep a lot of things off of social media.  In person, I will talk about retirement, religion, politics, sex and whatever else you'd like to discuss. This has served me well in terms of my careers both in radio and as a dog trainer.  Being willing to discuss whatever someone else brings to the table or has questions about is not just about espousing opinions, you see. It's about something much more important. It's about listening without judgment.

Let me explore that idea bit further. I've come to believe that truly listening to another person is (or maybe always has been) a rare find. It is not about just abstaining from interruption while someone else is talking. It's even more than hearing someone else speak, registering their opinion and then throwing in your own.  It's about connection. It's about hearing not just what is actually being said, but also how you can understand someone better because of their point of view. It's not just what they said.  It's about trying to understand why they said it.  In radio, as in theater training, a co-host or guest may throw out a topic. If I were to refuse to discuss it or become offended, the show grinds to a halt. Trust me when I say, in terms of dead air, uncomfortable silence is not a fun feeling. In dog training, owners were sharing their lives with me and often that would come with embarrassing confessions.  I had to be willing to discuss the most personal aspects of their lives without condemning their mind set or actions. If I closed the door on an owner who, for example, had hit their dog in anger, then I would not be able to help them change their behavior and improve their situation.

There are also times in which this trait has absolutely gotten me in trouble. I may say things that others people choose to be offended by.  To those people, I would say - You don't know me at all. If I'm talking to you about how we retired early and asking you about your plans, for example, I am not judging you. I'm sharing our story and attempting to connect to you through it.  If I'm talking to you about politics, I am not saying your choices were wrong. I'm saying, let's see where our common ground might be. And can I become closer to you for understanding your decisions? Because that would be my goal.

Listening without judgment. It's a big concept. It's probably too big for this blog, actually. But as this journey comes to an end and we try to figure out what we are going to do next, I've been asking people a lot of questions. Why do you live here or there? And where would you live if you could? And when might you retire and what does that look like for you?  I have had these conversations with dozens of people in the last two years. Because of the openness I have found in most of them, we are considerably closer to making decisions than we were when we started. I am grateful for that.

In terms of the larger conversations, like politics, I would hope that we could all learn to listen a bit more openly to what others are saying underneath the words.  We don't have to agree in order to be sympathetic. We don't even have to like each other to recognize that our personal experiences have shaped us into different people with different points of view.  I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, trust in their motives, rather than condemn them or think them inferior in some way. And I would be so grateful if the people in my life would give me that same benefit of the doubt. I'm an intensely curious person by nature. I'm just trying to hear you, connect to you, and get to know you.

Since this is such a heavy topic for this blog, I'll end on a lighter note. I am so profoundly grateful to have been able to take this journey, to meet friends and family along the road that we would not have seen otherwise. It has been incredibly comforting to see friendly faces amid so much uncertainty. Our home is 400 square feet of neverending mobility. There have been few constants. So thank you, my friends and my family, for welcoming us along the way.  You can't even guess at how important that has been.