Setbacks and Solutions

Well. That's harder than it looks.

In my zeal to attempt this new career, it seems the Universe has aligned against me. Right after my last blog entry, the plague came to wreak its havoc on our household. I'm still not 100 percent.  I can hear a rumble, and I must clear my throat at least 40 times each morning. If you think it's annoying to listen to, I assure you it's at least as annoying to do.  Laryngitis was the biggest culprit, though a nasty cold and stomach virus attended as well.

As I started to think I could speak again, my computer quit working. Specifically, the speakers and audio decided to crap out. Fortunately, the top case was still under warranty! Yay! Alas, that was another 9 days gone.

It's taken the better part of 6 weeks to actually have the time and energy to get to where I am today, sitting in a quiet (enough?) room in the library. I recorded a few tracks just to get an idea of the levels and, honestly, to familiarize myself with the equipment and software I'm using.

Next step: get help. I'm not kidding, I am not sure these are good enough to submit to anyone or anything. I need a trained ear to listen and critique.

The good news is that the terror I had been feeling over all of this has subsided into a dull, ongoing anxiety. I'm not sleeping well, and I'm eating a lot (and I mean, a LOT) of chocolate. I can't decide if it's the fear of failure or the fear of trying that has me tied in knots. Maybe they're the same thing.

Above is the room where all of the magic happens. I'm choosing to frame this as my humble beginnings.

Funny observations about today:

The room I'm recording in shares a wall with the bathroom here at the library. So, when someone flushes, that's an automatic take 2.

I have forgotten how to annunciate. To me, I sound like I have marbles in my mouth. All the time.

I had forgotten how painful it is to listen to myself. I do not sound like this in my head. This disembodied voice is thin, wretched.

South Carolina LOVES leaf blowers. I do not understand this obsession, and I've never seen it anywhere else we've traveled. But, and I'm not exaggerating, I hear a leaf blower every single day here. There are not this many leaves in the world, much less on any particular rectangle of sidewalk. The sound from that leaks into this room occasionally, so that's an automatic take 3.

It's dark in here. I can't turn the overhead light on, because it's neon. It makes a low, humming noise. ...I need a studio.

So there you have it, my - ahem - dubious progress in this new venture. Thanks for reading, and I'll try to include some questionable audio takes next time!

My Second Chapter

Am I too old to have a new career? I am, right? I turned 52 today, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't even be thinking about  starting a new job, especially one as high risk and full of rejection as I'm sure this one will be. Will I have the energy to see this through? I'm not the kid I used to be. I could just sit back and take up some nice hobby...perhaps macrame.

Oh, but wait, this idea won't leave me alone. I think I have to do it, I have to try. And, after all, I have experience that a lot of younger folks don't have. Maybe I better give it a shot, if for no other reason than to say I took a stab at a mid-life crisis.

For me, that's a core value. If I don't try, I'll wonder if I could have done it.

It's with this spirit of lukewarm enthusiasm and self-defeatist attitude that I announce my foray back into the world of voice work. It's been a long time, baby. The last time I was in front of a microphone I was just over 30 years old. 20 years is a long time to be away from a fast-paced and fast-changing industry. The last time I did a commercial, someone else did it for me. In a studio. With lots and lots of editing and fancy buttons. The industry today is unrecognizable to me. People record commercials in their own homes with their own equipment. Am I too old to keep up? Am I capable of learning the new tech?

I'll admit to being absolutely terrified, but unable to put this idea away. A few months ago, I reached out to a couple of people to get some advice. Fortunately, one of these is still very active in radio and was able to give me incredibly useful information about equipment and software. Another friend has offered to help me network in this area.

And still, I waited. I'm too scared. I'm too old. I'm overwhelmed. I have no quiet space in which to record. The last bit there, the one about no space, is actually my only valid reason for the stalling. I live in an RV. There is no space. So, I quit? Hmm, maybe.

But then, I took my daughter to a Tedx Talk here in Hilton Head. The whole day was amazing, inspirational. But the one thing that hit me hard, right in the gut, was the idea that we must figure out what we want. When we do, we must take small steps toward that goal every day. We don't have to be successful right away. We don't  even have to take a BIG step every day. But we have to work toward what we want with a small step. Every day.

Today, I ordered the equipment my friend said I needed. I'll be attempting to understand the software required. I've approached the local library, where I will be trying to record. The staff was so welcoming that I almost felt guilty for not  approaching them sooner. I downloaded something that a friend told me I needed. Something to do with turning it all digital...okay then! Small step. Every day. And hey, I started this blog! As equipment starts to arrive, I'll be putting this into video form on youtube as well. Small steps. Every day.

I'm 52. I'm too old to be starting something new. And yet, I'm going to try anyway.

Road trips vs. Prison

We're down to the nitty gritty. There's one more long drive in our immediate future, and then we find a permanent-ish residence. I have had a lot of time, and I mean a LOT, to reflect on ways that long drives are similar to prison. Okay, full disclosure. I've never actually BEEN to prison. But as I said, I've had plenty of time to imagine it.

1) Restricted movement. The truck cab is arguably significantly smaller than a prison cell. There's no room to get up and move around or even stand up, and as the day wears on I find more and more creative ways to contort my stiff muscles to get comfortable. Actually, I think prison inmates have more freedom than people on a long road trip.  Criss cross applesauce, feet on the dashboard and seated stretching exercises are regulars. And when all of that fails, Advil to the rescue. I mean, let's face it. I'm no spring chicken.

2) Everything is on a schedule. You're hungry before lunch time? You need to pee?  Well, you're just going to have to hold it, inmate. It's not time to stop yet, and anyway the next exit with any services is at least 35 miles away. This is especially true in the desert Southwest and Midwest. There are more rest stops in the Northeast, but you do run the risk of snagging your RV on a ridiculously low bridge. Side note: Shouldn't those just be raised at this point? Between trucks and the growing RV population, I think it's time. I'm looking at you, New Hampshire. 

3) There are other inmates, and they can be horribly obnoxious. Because we are lucky enough to have internet in the truck, the kids play Minecraft with their friends online. They are loud, loud people.  There has been actual screaming in excitement.  Does anyone know why they insist on narrating every single one of their actions? And where did my daughter learn to shriek like that? Thank goodness for headphones. 

4) That brings me to sleeping. Forget it. I assume that it's very difficult, at least at first, to sleep in prison. There are a bunch of unfamiliar noises and obvious stressors. Same with a road trip, but add to that inconsistent jarring and bumping around.  This is always worse on toll roads. Aren't smooth and well maintained roads supposed to be what our tolls are providing? It's like airplane turbulence bad enough that the captain has to make an announcement. 

5) The food is inconsistent and pretty unhealthy. As someone who's spent a lot of time and energy trying to get fit, I know what I can eat to stay healthy and have energy. I know that chocolate is not really good for me. I know that too many calories consumed will produce weight gain. And yet, on a driving day, I eat whatever is available. It's getting better, America.  Even the fast food chains are starting to offer healthier options. But by hour 4 or 5, that doesn't even matter. My stress level is so far off the charts that I will devour a King Size bag of Peanut M&Ms in under 8 minutes. Sue me. 

6) There's a warden and he's calling the shots. Ultimately, the driver is going to decide when and where we stop to eat or use the bathroom, buy gas or park. There is no democracy. You can put in requests, and the warden is a really nice guy and tries to listen. But in the end, he's the key to your freedom or imprisonment. 

7) There's a sentence of a pre-determined length.  For me, it's one more trip, one more long drive. It's about 7 or so more hours, more if we have another bridge incident (don't ask). And then, my debt is paid and I can return to normal society. There will still be road trips in my future, but hopefully they won't include towing a 37 foot RV behind me. Freedom! Freedom to park in the tiny spot, to go under any bridge without even thinking about it and to go home at the end of it? Wow! These things we take for granted are now new and amazing to me. 

So, there you have it! As grateful as I am to have been able to do this for the last three years, I'm anxious to use my get out of jail free card.  

If I even have to say it, all of this is very tongue in cheek. I am so lucky, and I know it. I'm incredibly grateful for everything we have been able to see and do.  I really love my warden and my fellow inmates. And this whole experience has changed me, deeply and forever. 

The Home Stretch

Now that the intense social whirlwind that is us visiting the Midwest has come to a close, I can finally gather my thoughts. It's been so long since my last entry, because we have been visiting. And visiting some more. And then visiting some more. I think we crammed in as much family/friend time as we possibly could, and now we're back on the road. The kids have left for camp, so I have a moment to breathe.

We are almost done with this chapter. In a little over a month, we will be in South Carolina, where we will stay for the foreseeable future. And my overriding thought is gratitude. I am so lucky to have been able to do this for the past three years. Our travels have taken us all over our country, and we've made some incredible memories.  There have been struggles, of course, but thankfully there's been nothing that we couldn't handle. I have thought a lot about gratitude lately, and how it relates to happiness. I think they're the same thing. 

It's so easy to slip into dissatisfaction, isn't it? I'm certainly guilty of it. Gosh, this kitchen is tiny. Ugh, I hate having to wash our clothes at a laundromat. Great, I broke another French Press. The latter is always a dire emergency and means a shopping trip immediately. Surely there's a Wal-Mart nearby. I need coffee! But I digress.

It's much harder to hold onto the big picture when the little inconveniences of this small, unstable place are what I see. But when I look at the view outside of our window right now and think back on everywhere we have been, I am reminded that my needs are very simple. And everything else is a bonus, only enhancing my life. 

So when my impatience to "get there" or "be done with the driving" kicks in, I am striving in each moment to take a look around my tiny house and notice my freedom. I notice my luxuries, like our air conditioning, our fireplace and, yes, like my 3rd French Press...I really should invest in a stainless steel one. 

Do It Because It Scares You

I recently heard this advice given to a friend contemplating a change in career. She wants to jump ship, but she's afraid of leaving behind the security of her current job. And the advice was, "Do it because it scares you."

...I don't get it.  I mean, not really. If I did everything I was afraid to do, I'd jump in a swamp where I know crocodiles are plentiful. I don't think facing a challenge solely because you're afraid of it is quite where the mentor was going. But if we scale it back a bit, could we agree that the advice could instead be, "Don't miss the opportunity just because you're scared"? That's closer to home for me. I try really hard not to make decisions based in fear - which is why I found myself modeling in a recent fashion show.

I think it's pretty well-established how I dislike being the center of attention. In fact, I wrote another entire blog entry on it and now admit freely what an introvert I am. To say that modeling is not in my comfort zone is like saying that North Dakota gets a little chilly in the winter time.

So when I was first asked if I would model, I emphatically and without hesitation replied "NO. I mean, no thank you." (because I always try to be polite) But then I was asked again and, here's the kicker,  was told that this would really help because someone had backed out.

Now, if you met the lady asking, you'd see why I had to reverse my stance. She's possibly the nicest person I've ever met and she was shouldering the burden of organizing this event of her own free will.  Who am I to make life harder for her?  Then too, I thought, you can't say no just because you're scared, you chicken. So, I said yes with, I'm sure, a look of utter horror on my face.

Unfortunately, saying you're going to do something and then actually going through with it are two different things. Leading up to the day of the show,  I had nightmares about all of the bad things that could happen. I could kick off one of my shoes and be unable to find it again. I don't wear flip flops for this reason, but I'd be wearing them in the show. Obviously, forgetting to put on an outfit came up. I woke up from that one in a cold sweat, but really, how ridiculous. Someone would surely stop me before I got all the way to the runway and suggest I put on a dress.  I obsessively worried about my big toe, which is damaged and can't look good in a sandal. I fretted about my hair as I don't even own a hair dryer anymore. I cursed myself for not keeping makeup as well.

A couple of days before the event, we had to go try things on and that part brought the fear home. Now it was real. I knew exactly what I'd be wearing and how exposed I would be.

It doesn't really help that my body has changed so dramatically over the last year. It's for the better, but it's new and weird. My body image has not kept pace. I still see myself about 30 pounds heavier than the scale says I am. And all of that would be on display? I resolve to stop eating until three days later. (An aside: this did not happen)

Anywho! The day arrives. The waiting is over. I do the best I can with Mother Nature's hair dryer and the mascara and eye liner I refuse to give up. Don't judge me, but I painted my nails and the big toe got some extra to cover up the imperfect pedicure. Poor toe, it's not its fault, after all. A little lipstick and I go for it! Well, not quite.  The models get to eat AND DRINK first, so I go for a bottle of the red liquid courage.  I'm completely terrified at this point, but there's no going back. People are counting on me now. There's an official list and everything! I figure I could faint, but that's probably the only way out of this now. I take deep breath and remind myself that I know these ladies. They're nice people and won't be mean to me. Once changed, I feel even worse. The fainting is not just an idea anymore. It might actually happen. I realize that I have either had too much or too little wine. I feel a little dizzy but I'm far too aware of it.

As I'm standing in line, waiting to hit the runway, I'm told there's a pattern to walk. NOW they tell me?  I go into serious panic mode and frantically repeat the instructions and ogle the other models to  see what they are doing. I mean, what if I had been first?! Clearly, in their wisdom, no one was going to let that happen. Unfortunately, there's a lot of waiting at this stage and that allows me time to ramp up the insanity within.  I try to remember yoga breathing, but it's no good.  I'll be lucky if I don't vomit on these beautiful clothes. And yes, that was in one of the nightmares.

Honestly, the first three outfits are a blur to me. I remember pasting a smile on my face and moving through the room, changing quickly and getting back out there. It's a blessing, really,  that I had an out of body experience.   I am there, but nothing is registering. I see but don't see the people.  I know they are there and smiling kindly at me, even giving me thumbs up, but I really can't engage. I had to be told later that my husband and daughter had come to show their support.

And then, blissfully, the wine started to kick in a bit. The last three outfits were more fun. I was a bit looser,  the smile more genuine. Of course, I was also thinking that it was more than halfway over, which definitely helped.  And then,  just like that, it's over and I'm back in my own clothes. I didn't lose a shoe or fall down or even throw up! Success!

I can't say that I have bettered myself through this experience, but at least I did it and I did not die (I mean, it could happen and, in fact, did in one of my nightmares).  I'm not eager to get back out there and have all of the eyes in a room on me, but I did not let the fear stop me. Oh! And I got a huge discount at the store of the sponsor, which resulted in a nifty shopping spree. I wouldn't have gotten that any other way.

The moral of this story is to try things not because you will be changed by them, necessarily. But rather, do them because you won't know what you might have gotten if you don't. I got a bit more confidence in my appearance and a great new pair of shoes - instead of the regret of not doing something that really helped someone out just because I was nervous. The payoff at the end of this experience was that I did something I was terrified to do. And now, if I'm asked if I want to model for someone I can emphatically say,  "No, thank you."

Winter in an RV

One of the key points in leaving Minnesota was to avoid cold temperatures. But despite driving about as far south as we could get in Texas, it's 41 degrees today with winds out of the north at 20 miles per hour.  Winter takes on a whole new set of exciting side effects when you live in an aluminum box. Here are my top 5 reasons why living in an RV is better in the winter:

1) Rare sights! Behold, the sideways palm tree! They bend but don't break...yet. Book your tickets now to see these all over southern Texas!

2) Family togetherness! Feel like you're not getting enough time with your loved ones? Are your teens distant and unresponsive to affection?  Well, forget the affection, but you will see them a LOT more if you live in an RV in the winter. In fact, they will always be there, every time you turn around. And when they're playing with their friends online, because no amount of distance can stop them, you will get to hear every ear-piercing, mind-numbing shriek of excitement as their Minecraft village is destroyed by zombies!

3) Promotes imagination! Your brain will instinctively kick into protection mode and will transport you to warm and luxurious surroundings.  You can visit Bali, Hawaii, even the Maldives, all from the comfort of your 4 square feet of bedroom space. Having an electronic device with search capabilities is key to enhancing this practice.

4) Closer to nature!  You will develop a new appreciation for each gust of wind as it rocks your entire house. It's not enough to hear the fury of nature's symphony.  Immerse yourself in this interactive experience as each gust of wind allows you to, in great detail, confront your insignificance in the face of the overwhelming power of the Earth. 

5) Sleep deprivation can result in cool hallucinations! Because the wind will either keep you up all night OR wake you violently every 34 minutes, you will be able to let go of the binding chains of reality. Are you simply daydreaming or can you actually see air now?  Perhaps you are a superhero!

There you have it! Now, sell that house and go out and buy your box!

PS - all tongue in cheek. I'm incredibly grateful to be here, with my family, warm and secure.

We have our decision!

After a lot of exploring, discussing and debating, we had narrowed down our options for permanent residency to three locations: Port Aransas, TX, Tampa, FL and Bluffton, SC.  We realize fully how lucky we are to have options like these and practice gratitude daily. We knew we wanted to be close to water, but so many other factors came into play. Schools for the kids, surrounding area, culture and easy access to an airport for friends and family were some of these. Weather, of course, has also been a consideration.

All that said, we can say with clarity that South Carolina is where we want to put down roots! That phrase is intentional, as the live oak trees actually factored heavily into the decision.  We didn't realize how much we missed the trees of the Midwest until we hit Savannah, Georgia. There's something very welcoming and soothing about them. So, even though it's a bit colder there than in, say, Tampa Bay, the trees won us over.

So! Now, we are trying to figure out how to get there. Even though we promised ourselves that we were done RVing and racing around the country, we have allowed a few fun obligations to overtake that plan.  To give ourselves a summer in Minnesota, we've decided to stay here, in Port A, until April 15th and then make our way north. The idea is to be in MN and Wisconsin for a graduation, a fitness celebration, and a family reunion before heading to New Hampshire. The kids will be in camp again in July-August, so we will stay there for a month or so. And then, we'll drive down to SC.

The easiest thing for us might just be to buy an RV spot while we look for a permanent residence. Our kids getting enrolled in school, changing our residency and renewing our licenses will take precedence over moving. Once all of that shakes out, we'll figure out the housing situation.

This was not an easy choice, I'll admit. I would have been just as happy to leave the RV in a ditch along a TX highway and drive straight to SC,  but that seemed a bit impractical.

So that's our update!

And now, if you were curious about the fitness celebration, allow me to explain further. We all got a bit chunky and unhealthy doing this whole drive across America adventure. You would think not. You would think we'd be hiking all the time and exploring caves and such. But the reality has been that on travel days, we eat whatever fast food we can find. And because of the pace we set for ourselves, there were an awful lot of travel days. So a few months ago, we issued ourselves a challenge. It wasn't a "let's lose weight" thing, though that was a side effect, but more of a "let's get healthier" thing. Below are photos of the "before" stage where we were all just kind of eating whatever fit in our mouths.

That was late last summer (2018). We started by just incorporating more salads and less meat into our diets. And as we went, we got more and more into plant-based eating. It was easy. Many people aren't going to believe me when I say this, but I don't miss greasy hamburgers. Anyway! Here we are a couple of days ago. I think Ethan is the most dramatic. He dropped 20 pounds. I'm down almost 30. Erin is the same, but she has cut out a LOT of sugar from her diet. Henry has lost 25 pounds or so. But, way more important than the weight loss is that we all feel better - like a LOT better - more energy, fewer aches and pains.

The agreed upon reward for this transformation was at least part of the summer in MN! We're happy to say that we have to pay up. See you in May, Minneapolis!